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So maybe if I say this HERE, I won't end up yelling it at THEM... - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
So maybe if I say this HERE, I won't end up yelling it at THEM...
Still at a worrying level of all-out Stabby Weepy RAEG. The issue over the garden is only the last straw to land in a complex zoo of Brainweasels, but it really couldn't have been more precisely tailored to jam all the prey-animal buttons about persecution and worthlessness and abandonment. And I'm not sure how to communicate this to the condo association in terms that don't make me sound like a raving lunatic to people who Have Lives. (Assuming, of course, that they'd even answer the last two emails...) I'm actually sort of afraid to run into anybody because I'm terrified of going off on them like a complete nut.

Tthe fact that this is happening at all is actually the bigger issue for me, at this point, not even the particular causes that sparked this; it's exactly the sort of thing where the Brainweasels say that well, obviously the problem lies with me for being upset -- after all, they're not hurting, therefore it's not "real" and needn't be considered to be of any importance. (It... may go without saying that I've been on the wrong end of a lot of people who had some serious issues in the empathy department -- it tends to color my expectations even when I know better of specific individuals, which... isn't helping anything here.) And that's the part that sounds really mental to anyone who's not familiar with Brainweasels: it's just the garden, why are you so bothered?

Which I really don't know how to explain without sounding, as I say, like a raving lunatic. How do people get it across that excuse me, you've stepped on a soft spot that I happen to have, which may be kind of weird to you but it frickin' HURTS when you do that? I have some serious problems with expressing that I'm in pain, even physical, because I've been conditioned by my experiences to expect that at best, it won't be addressed, and at worst, drawing attention to distress is only giving permission to the rest of the pack to take down the straggler. I'm not sure how you dig yourself out of that place in your head even with a hell of a lot more therapy than I'd be able to convince myself I'd get even if I could afford it, and it's not exactly anybody else's problem to have dumped in their laps when they're just annoyed about unpaid assessments...

feeling: gloomy gloomy

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ljgeoff From: ljgeoff Date: April 30th, 2011 10:37 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I've gone back and read the last couple of entries, and I still don't understand why you can't have a garden. Because you haven't paid a fee? Only people who are current on their dues can have a garden?

What about containers? Can you have a container garden? I've seen some wonderful stuff come from container gardens. I know that the containers can be expensive if you have to buy them but I can get some for free. Would you like some? If some containers showed up at your place, would you be able to use them?

That's a lot of questions. Sorry.

robling_t From: robling_t Date: April 30th, 2011 11:20 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I suspect that the dues issue is a stalking-horse for "god, what a mess", because we're talking about city-people here and vegetables can be alarmingly unglamorous and needy. At least in theory, I can continue to plant if I clear my plans with the association before I do anything... which runs smack into other Brainweasels like "well, one-dude-I'm-not-saying-who says no, so..." and "because it's you an Authority Figure has to approve (your existence) first", or "...Oops, did we take so long to get back to you that it's too late to plant?", and on and on. I'm going to have Mum give them another ring to see where we're at with any of it (since emails from me don't seem to be worth answering) and containers are definitely something to put to them, but if the real issue here is that my stuff's interfering with the looks of the back area/the ability of the children in the building to maraud around back there unchecked ('cos I have as much of a beef about that), then... yeah.

(The thing that kills me is that we're the only unit without a deck, which is why I adopted the back in the first place, because everyone else does have a tidy place for containers...)

Edited at 2011-04-30 11:21 pm (UTC)
ashnistrike From: ashnistrike Date: May 1st, 2011 12:09 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
"We're the only unit without a deck" seems like a legitimate argument, and probably the most useful one. Your emotional responses are absolutely legitimate and important, but not the sort of pragmatic point that's helpful for dealing with a condo association.

If it were me, I'd probably go ahead and start a container garden after last chance of frost, on the theory that A) forgiveness is easier than permission, and B) if the association throws a hissy-fit they can always be taken inside/stashed at a friend's house/stuck on a neighbor's deck in exchange for a share of the crop. But I lack respect for collective authority.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: May 6th, 2011 07:51 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
...And, yeah, looks like containers are my last gardening option -- what would you be talking about there, looks-wise? It would have to be something they couldn't find a reason to complain about...
ljgeoff From: ljgeoff Date: May 6th, 2011 10:33 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I was thinking of something like this:

but if that won't do, we could do something like this:

robling_t From: robling_t Date: May 6th, 2011 11:24 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
#2 probably holds the entire volume of the usable topsoil on the original plot... :) I'll run both ideas by Mum, I'm inclined to say that these would both give the condo association fits for different reasons but big-and-heavy is definitely the way I'm thinking to go 'cos it'd be harder to knock down our back stairs. (Individual small pots tend not to fare well out there. It's mostly a matter of it needing to weigh more than a kid, but not more than me...)
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