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but there are children starving in Alabama, or something... - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
robling_t
robling_t
but there are children starving in Alabama, or something...
Slipping right back into Cranky And Unmotivated after a vanishingly brief interlude of project-finishing self-satisfaction. I think a lot of this boils down to, at what point in my life do I "get" to say, it doesn't matter how trivial my problems are on a relative scale, the relevant thing is that I am not coping with what I have on my plate to deal with, and that's the standard that should determine whether I have a "right" to complain? Very tired of this internalized sense that asking for help is Asking For It, that the response will either be "your problems are TL,DR" or "I'll give you something to cry about"...

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aldersprig From: aldersprig Date: November 13th, 2010 04:34 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
*hugs* I wish I could help. All else fails, if you need a shoulder, I'm very good at listening.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: November 13th, 2010 10:12 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
It's good to know that there's even someone out there reading these, at this point, I always feel as if the minute I let on that maybe things could be going better inside my head people will take that as their cue to either wander off 'cos my problems aren't "their problem", or start with the "so you have a leg off and you're bleeding, big deal, other people have both legs off" arguments to talk me out of my reactions to things...
aldersprig From: aldersprig Date: November 13th, 2010 01:03 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Bah. Even small cuts hurt, and who is anyone else to say what's small or big to you?

I totally get the "please stop trivializing my problem; that doesn't actually help at all" thing, but I've never really come up with a way to deal with people like that because, usually, they genuinely think they're helping.

lisa_marli From: lisa_marli Date: November 13th, 2010 10:41 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Believe me I understand.
No matter what has happened to me, someone always seems to be able to top it. So that what happened to me is trivialized.
So Complain Away. If I can help I will. If I can't, I'm willing to be around to listen. Because even listening helps.
BTW, I may not always respond (lots of lj friends), but with many friends I'll suddenly realize, what? then go back and read ALL their journal for the last few weeks. So I really am around and listening.
*hugs*
robling_t From: robling_t Date: November 13th, 2010 11:53 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
My Mum is particularly bad for trivializing, I think part of what's dredged this up right now is that she spent a lot of time during that day that I was throwing up for twelve hours basically trying to convince me that it would eventually stop so I should just ride it out; it ultimately took telling her I was going to call 911 in a minute to get her to call her doctor for some advice to sort something that ultimately stopped me puking... (I recognize that money is a valid concern, but, dude, not being able to keep water down is a bit beyond what's reasonable to ask someone to wait out...)
unhipster From: unhipster Date: November 15th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Even if your problems are trivial on a relative scale, that doesn't mean you don't have a right to complain. No matter how bad you have it, it's pretty much guaranteed that someone, somewhere has it worse.
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