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Yeah. That. - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
Yeah. That.
Via insidian, an excellent article on this general sense of Anomie we're all wrestling with in this modern age; like I've said, I do know it's not just me...


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madresal From: madresal Date: July 27th, 2010 08:54 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Hmm, I'm not sure if I have too much freedom and choice and that is what make me dispair ... I think it is more the rat race for me.


robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 4th, 2010 08:21 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Well, the meaninglessness of the rat-race also qualifies; loosely, it's that sense that the thing that you're dedicating yourself to doesn't need YOU...
tintop_lizzy From: tintop_lizzy Date: July 27th, 2010 10:19 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I well remember experiencing this when I was 19. I think it left me soon after, because I was so busy it wasn't possible to be introspective. Having kids gives one perspective too- like "where the hell did the time go" perspective!!
robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 4th, 2010 08:24 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Kids are, at least, the sort of a goal that Society understands, even approves of; and it's good that they're not the only option for a woman's life anymore, but it does create that risk that whatever you do will be "wrong" in somebody's eyes...
otrame From: otrame Date: July 28th, 2010 12:08 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
There is a simple cure for anomie. Get out there and do something. You already know that, Sam. God, look at all the wonderful writing you do, at the sheer elegance of the way you interweave popular culture into stories, framed by a silly tv show, that tell that simple tale of love and insecurity and the fundamental need of humans to bond into many and varied groups and share their lives in many ways. Those stories you write give pleasure to thousands of people. Even those pretty yarns you make (buying more soon--I really like the darker colors) are worthy of your time and effort. Craftsmanship is a gift to the craftsman and consumer alike.

I think it is especially hard on the guys because a combination of natural urges and society tell them they must excel (or they won't get laid) and too many of them choose money as the way to keep score. I suggest a better "score". I want people to miss me when I am dead. I want people to remember me with a smile and a little sadness because I gave them something that was good to them.

I think your article pointed out that clinical depression is a factor and dismissed it and that was a big mistake. Depression is a disease that kills thousands every year and that should NOT be ignored.

And take it from someone who has read a great deal more Durkheim than I really wanted to (Anthro major) the guy was full of a fair amount of shit--which is what happens when you sit in an arm chair and guess how things are based on the culture you are currently in, never suspecting "Being Human" has more than one answer.

BTW, finally started watching BH and find it impossible not to think about your version as I do. You are a flipping bloody genius, you know that don't you?

Love you, hon.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 4th, 2010 08:56 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I want people to miss me when I am dead

I'd generally settle for being able to internalize any sense that anybody knows I'm here now -- I'm beginning to get some sense of continuity from ficcing and having a couple of knitting groups that haven't driven me off with rocks yet, but it's an uphill battle to believe that anyone's genuinely happy when I show up and notices when I don't. It's from having a family where I was out of sight, out of mind to both sides of it (including my father, my mother actually told him outright that if he waited around until I was interesting I wouldn't be there when he was ready to deal -- I once stopped speaking to him altogether because it was pointless and it took him a year to notice), and a school situation that was abusively weird from the ADHD thing and really didn't want me around. (When a 6yo already knows that there's no point in applying to the Girl Scouts because she won't be accepted... yeah. Spent a lot of time being blamed for being picked-on.)

(And speaking of my version of BH, did you see the TARDIS Big Bang fic...? ;) )
otrame From: otrame Date: August 4th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I frigging well know you are here, girl.

Listen. ADHD kids are difficult to deal with even when parents and family are well educated on the subject and have good support and so on. Just being aware that the kid honestly can't help it helps some, but I watched the growing disaster of my nephew with sorrow because though his parents tried, his grandparents (my husbands parents) felt that he just wasn't being punished enough and all around him were people who couldn't stand to have him around. It is a condition with a potential for horrible destruction within a family and pure hell for the kid. It is tough enough to get a kid with plain ADD through his/her childhood with an intact ego, but extremely difficult to do it with an ADHD kid. You are an adult now and you can understand all that, but as a kid you were helpless in the face of the behaviors that drove everyone around you bonkers. It hurt you. You are scarred.

But look at you now. You have a following of ardent readers, you are working on developing a number of other things in your life. You still have ADHD, but now there are meds and/or you are old enough to recognize some of the problems and work on them.. Bless you, Sam, you are going to be just fine. Don't expect everything to just fix itself. It can't. But you can start over again every day.

I did not have ADHD but I have ADD and raised 2 ADD sons so I have some idea of what that can do to people. Besides that I am a chronic depressive and have to take meds every day for both. People often don't like me much. I am very very smart and though I have some idea what the word tact means, I don't seem to be able to make use of it in my life. In the past I have often felt like I would accomplish nothing etc. I had a doc say once that if you have to start all over again every morning it's okay. Eventually things will get better.

They did. I am a reasonably happy person, about to retire from a career I enjoyed, which will give me more time to play in many way (research on what I want to work on instead of what someone will pay me to work on, writing, my bonsais, my jewelry making, etc.) and life is good, I still have to start all over again every morning, but that's okay.

The past is past. It can't be fixed. Work on dealing with today.

Now that the platitudes are over with I'll tell you that I haven't started your big bang yet because it appears to be post-COE and I have a lot of trouble reading such. I just get pissed all over again. I WILL read yours though, because it is you and I know you will have come up with something wonderful. You have a beautiful mind, love. Creative and full of heart. Don't let the difficulties of your neurochemistry issues and your past get you down. There are some *advantages* to the condition too, you know.

Now go get back to work on Mirror, Mirror and I will go write the next to last chapter of What Happened to My LIfe and we will both be even better.

robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 5th, 2010 08:11 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
It's post-CoE, yeah, but a year on, when some of the dust has settled... and they can get back to dealing with the Really Weird Shit. ;) Chapter 41 of MM might even be along soonish -- thought I had it last Monday, in fact, but I had to stop to work out the calendar-math for something Owen says a few chapters on, and realized that it actually makes the next few chapters line up nicely with a sequence that I was already planning, if I let Ianto trigger the lead-in at the start of this next bit...

As to my life... {sigh} The common thread is a lack of practical power to affect my circumstances through my own actions; there's just never a connection between What I Want and What Actually Happens To Me. By now apathy and learned helplessness have set in, because I have very little experience of working towards a goal and having it happen at the end of the work -- rules always change on me in the middle of the game, and there have been instances in my life when I could have proved that it was specifically to exclude me. After a while of that you get a serious Complex. Even having a Real Job so I could feel that I had some economic power would help (I wish the census gig had run longer, man), but in this economy...
atlanticat From: atlanticat Date: July 29th, 2010 01:29 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I don't think that's a very accurate description. I don't feel a need to either accept or rebel against societal norms, furthermore there are plenty left to rebel against, particularly if you are in favor of gay rights.

My issue is more that what we've come to accept as normal is valueless. Working for a corporation is valueless. Spending all your time at work so that you miss life just to maintain a living in this world is valueless. Cowering before preachers because they tell you "this is the way it is and you're going to hell if you don't agree" is valueless. We don't get anything from these actions. We don't get meaning out of them because there IS no meaning in them. There is only control and we're the ones being controlled.

What has meaning to me is not what society expects me to do or permits me to do. Growing my own food has meaning to me, but I can only grow vegetables and fruit because keeping anything that might be considered a barnyard animal is illegal in my village, and slaughtering anything is also illegal. Heaven forbid I should want chickens for eggs--I'd be arrested and fined, my animals taken from me.

Making things from scratch instead of buying everything has meaning for me but I don't have the time because I'm expected to go to work to earn money to BUY this shit instead. I have little time to myself, and what time I have has to be carefully hoarded such that I don't have time for projects and I escape into books and teh intarwebnet just to retain my own sanity.

This world is broken. But I don't think the need to maintain or break societal norms has much to do with my personal feelings of valuelessness. More, this whole society is inherently valueless. And people like me find it very disturbing....
robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 4th, 2010 09:12 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Completely with you on what passes for Society, yeah... But I think the underlying thing is that at least the older "norms" fostered the idea of structure; we're losing the ability to conceptualize it, to even suspect that what we're feeling a vague sense of loss for is a personal meaning and "place in the world" -- IE, that if you, specifically you, don't show up for the X, this matters. It's sort of the end-stage of hyperindividualism, where if everyone's thinking about themselves, then they mean nothing to someone else who's also thinking about themself.

But helping other people is Communism, so we can't have that...
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