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Here Comes Your Nineteenth Midlife Crisis - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
robling_t
robling_t
Here Comes Your Nineteenth Midlife Crisis
...Well, that does almost kind of help, actually, I opened this up to start a long whinging rant about how the Girlybits TMI Worries seem to include a side order of "is it my hormones or do I really have this much depressing emo how-long-ago-were-the-Eighties-dammit I am too old and my life never started CRAP in my iTunes library", and Gareth-that-was-Gaius kindly tried to cheer me up by Rickrolling me. Unfortunately now I'm back to sifting through the emo crap.

State of the Girlybits is as yet unresolved, although it certainly feels as if they're still plotting some greater mischief. Problem is it's usually hard for me to tell what is just "...Oh, right, the calendar says it's probably a bad day to be that close to a ledge, is what's going on with that", and what's the underlying Life Suckage Issues that are actually something justifiable to be depressed about. (Basically I have been having a continuous midlife crisis since roughly puberty. I was born so old I never did go through that phase where you're too naive to envision the consequences of getting wasted enough you might end up having to chew your own leg off to get away from whatever you shagged last night...) So I'm sort of at a point where I'm thinking things like, "So, say it was ZOMG CANCER, is it necessarily as if you were doing anything with that life of yours anyway...?"

And yes, this is rather late-night maudlin and TL,DR, but considering how much of the problems with my life stem from a general tendency to clam up just when I should be screaming for help, I'll leave it out there if only to make myself have to own up to the fact that There Are Things Wrong That I Need To (Be Made To) Talk About. So, um, yeah. Not necessarily off to stick my head in the oven or go find something to shag that I'd have to chew my leg off to get away from in the morning, not that I would even have the first idea where to start with that, but distinctly not in a place that I'm particularly happy with. And for once going to mention it, dammit.






Also, if I'm still alive for it by September, I'd probably feel a lot better in the short-term if I could find a damn beta for the tw_bigbang story. :)

Tags:
feeling: gloomy gloomy

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Comments
ljgeoff From: ljgeoff Date: August 4th, 2009 07:20 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
*perks up* Beta? I'd do that.

When I felt that my live was utter crap, I went to see a psychologist, and she helped me sort it out. It helped a lot. Again, money is a problem, but Catholic Social Services or such may be able to help.

It's too bad that we're so distant, or I'd take you out for coffee or a beer. You could drip maudlin, emo tears and I could tell you stories about the rehab center to cheer you up.

*hugs* I hope a night's sleep will help you feel better, and that the girly bits will get with the program. Hormones surges are nasty, and most likely a big part of what you're feeling.


robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 5th, 2009 06:09 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Hehehe, that was actually "part of the problem here is that for most people this isn't the middle of the stretch where they're awake, y'know" (nocturnal habits are bad for the off-line social potential), but yeah, somewhat improved outlook after running a sleep-cycle and making it to Tuesday knitting group. And I should totally be Seeing Somebody About It, although that'd mean sorting out the "and what good did the therapists they made you go to when you were in school ever do" issues as well! ;) (Maudlin emo tears, notsomuch. Biting people, now... :) )

So, RE beta, yeah, I think between you and atlanticat below that'd fulfill the fics-must-be-beta'ed requirement, I'll send it along when it's at that stage -- early September, then? (Deadline to turn it in to the organizers is Sept. 28...)
ljgeoff From: ljgeoff Date: August 5th, 2009 08:10 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Early September sounds good.

Remember that folks have different experiences with counseling depending on the counselor. Perhaps the counselor that you were made to go see wasn't a good fit -- and really, good fit is necessary for the process to be useful.

Biting, eh? *grin* I'll have to bring along shark gloves and a trudgeon.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 5th, 2009 11:13 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
and really, good fit is necessary for the process to be useful

And not feeling like you're being forced to go not so much for your own actual benefit as because they just want you to stop being their problem... {sigh} Yeeeeah, the whole school-years thing is one big wibbly-wobbly ball of Issues. (Which I should probably post about here sometime, I've been pondering that almost since I started this blog and I still haven't even found the first thread to unpick it into any kind of coherent narrative...)
atlanticat From: atlanticat Date: August 4th, 2009 01:22 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
If you need a second beta, you know I'm always willing. I beta for a Top Gear slash community now and again. Aside from which I have excellent taste in Torchwood. :) They killed my teaboy, the bastards....

And you worry too much. It's not cancer. Girlybits just suck like that sometimes. If you want a diagnostic healing session sometime, let me know, we can make arrangements....
robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 5th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
The more betas the merrier, of course, never know when one of them might have some sort of "OMG WHO'S naked??!?" moment in the middle of things (and *light bulb goes off* you've even got a captive Brit on hand you could have check whether everything's spelled spelt right...) Not going on any vacations come early September, I hope...? ;)

And so far as the Girlybits go, Mum keeps quoting Woody Allen's "I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm an alarmist" at me, which is probably fair enough, although I tend to take the view that pessimism makes everything a pleasant surprise...
atlanticat From: atlanticat Date: August 5th, 2009 01:01 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Yeah, I have a captive Brit, but I'll have to feed it to him in fits and starts as I'm fairly certain that nekkid Torchwood characters do not terribly interest him, particularly if they're getting it on in slashy fashion, especially if the slash involves the Doctor who is a sacred person to most Brits.

September is busy, but I always make time to read. :)
robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 5th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Surprisingly enough, this one is (shock! horror!) predominantly het, except for the section that's reworking Greeks Bearing Gifts -- my premise involved seeing what changes I'd have to make if I altered one initial condition of the set-up, everything else remaining as close to as-aired as that substitution allowed. (And it would, actually, be kind of neat to see what a bloke's reaction to taking away the girl-on-girl action of GBG is... ;) ) You can also tell him it's not really anything he'd not see post-watershed, probably tamer in fact... although whether that'd speak FOR or AGAINST me here... ;)
mollpeartree From: mollpeartree Date: August 4th, 2009 01:31 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
It's about a million times more likely to be fibroids or endometriosis or something crappy but non-life-threatening* like that than cancer (if indeed it is anything).

*Except where they cause chronic anemia, I mean. Do you find yourself crunching ice and craving weird smells and losing a lot of hair?

robling_t From: robling_t Date: August 5th, 2009 06:26 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
The part of it that's been making me go especially "...WTF?" over this is that the spotting's all been more like the oxidized remnants from the last day of my usual cycle than even proper "OMG I am dying now" Geysers Of Real Blood, which is how Mum's fibroids presented (along with that ice-chewing thing). It's just that that one time out there that it isn't "nothing" is what one tends to fixate on, probably rightly if it means getting off the rest of the arse to get Looked At, I suppose...
ljgeoff From: ljgeoff Date: August 5th, 2009 08:12 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
the spotting's all been more like the oxidized remnants from the last day of my usual cycle

This is how my perimenopause presented.
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