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*cries from Stress* - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
robling_t
robling_t
*cries from Stress*
BALLS, George just did the white-screen thing again, this time with an audible pop/click (possibly from the speaker) -- it had been long enough since the last incident that I was beginning to think the glitch had resolved itself, but now I'm right back to worrying desperately about his health. He's still under warranty for about the next two months, but As Usual I'm not at a point where I could spare him to take him in, nevermind the worry of it not being something that'd be covered... because the Household is currently at def-con Cupboards-Empty-No-Gas-Money Broke, as in "Mum may not be able to get to work a couple days next week".

I hate living like this. I hate feeling afraid and worthless and dependent and of no value all the time because I can't contribute to the situation materially, I hate having a life that's so vulnerable to circumstances I have no power to affect, I hate that the few stupid little things that I can still do come down to "do I even have bus-fare" half the time, let alone "lunch-money"... Basically, I've been in a kind of Bad Place to begin with these last couple of days, and that... didn't help. Anything. I'm not sure whether I should say to hell with worrying about whether the few bucks I do have on me would be the difference to the Household between "not exactly making it" and "definitely not making it" and just go ahead with the one freaking weekend-out I've had lined up in months, or crawl into bed now and never come out again. ARGH...

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tintop_lizzy From: tintop_lizzy Date: April 9th, 2011 01:59 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Yes, experiencing post-exit-from-the-house-depression myself. I went out, it was lovely and even on the train home I couldn't enjoy it. WTF brain, QUIT IT.

*am aware this is of no help* go out, if nothing else it shows you can't be crumpled into submission by your own brain. There's enough of life doing that already without repressing yourself.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: April 13th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
I did manage to get out to both of the events I'd had lined up for the weekend, with a bit of careful planning (I was sick anyway, so it wasn't the world's biggest deal to cadge a ride home from the photoshoot on Saturday at a point before it was headed to the other side of town), and it helps to have got out as much as I did, yeah...
morgynleri_fic From: morgynleri_fic Date: April 9th, 2011 04:21 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
*hugs you tight*

You make awesome yarn, and you write fantastic stories, and you are not worthless.

Go out for the weekend you have lined up, and enjoy yourself, and worry about the rest of it when the weekend is over.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: April 13th, 2011 06:55 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Situation has improved somewhat (and did get a yarn-sale from your signal-boost, which may indeed be the difference in keeping Mum on the road at work by tomorrow) -- the part that just gets to me all the time is how every time I want to do something I end up having to juggle "is coming up with $6.25 to get myself out there going to break the bank or would it even help anything @$4/gal", which is just pathetic and I think it's a reflection on the wider system not even me. I wish I could find a Real Job that's within my physical limitations, man...
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