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Please do not feed the Issues - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
robling_t
robling_t
Please do not feed the Issues
....Aaaand then I made the mistake of watching "Father's Day", which is NOT AT ALL TRIGGERY IN THE SLIGHTEST OH NO if you've just spent the summer watching parents playing with their children and wondering exactly how weird it is that you look at that and think, "...People really do that? No, srsly, people spend time with their kids?"

(I may have had a bit of a kernel panic the first couple of times I saw Mrs Doubtfire. The idea of a guy wanting his kids that badly... um, sorry, what? Dividing by zero here, please reboot suspension of disbelief... I can sort of wrap my head around it now intellectually, but now it just pisses me off even more for how much I was left to my own devices.)

Um. Anyway. I'd say "bad night", but it's actually about where I've been at for a baseline. I know what my Issues are, it's just that I'm not in a position to do a damn thing about them...

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valdary From: valdary Date: November 13th, 2010 11:05 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)

*hugs*

It takes a long time to internalise that the only approval you need is your own. Difficult to admit that when my father died one of my cheif emotions was relief. Took me years but I eventually built a warm and supportive network of positive friends. The internet helped me a lot with that. Even many of my friends in my home town I met through Twitter or art message boards.

Neat twitter trick for you! Type near: and then the name of you town or county into the search bar and twitter will find folk near to you. I live in Shropshire so for example I would type "near:Shropshire" to find people near me. No space after the colon and obviously leave off the quotation marks.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: November 13th, 2010 11:44 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)

Re: *hugs*

My issues aren't so much with approval as "acknowledgement of my existence", though, which is a little harder to do all of the work for myself, if you see the problem there...
ashnistrike From: ashnistrike Date: November 15th, 2010 02:50 am (UTC) (permalink this entry)
*hugs*

Some men want and can deal sanely with their families. Some can't. And that's their issues, not a reflection on their families.

I know a lot of people whose fathers were absent or neglectful, including my own dad--my grandfather walked out when he was five. My dad was in his mid-forties when he felt ready and able to work on the fallout, and it was a good thing even then.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the existence of sane families doesn't invalidate the experience of people in dysfunctional ones. You exist, your experiences were real, and you've got a right to be pissed at your father for not doing better.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: November 15th, 2010 01:32 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
It's not even so much about him specifically not having been around as how that tied in to creating a more general sense of not being wanted; what did the real damage was having that absence going on, and the school system trying to be rid of me, and the extended family being too preoccupied with their own crazy to notice me, and Mum working insane hours to keep us going... It all sort of adds up into this lingering puzzlement when I see people who don't seem to regard children as vaguely inconvenient. And I'm not sure how one ever gets enough of a handle on that even to set it aside, much less deal with it in any productive way...
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