?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Yes, you're in for another week of this. - Diary of a Necromancer
Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up
robling_t
robling_t
Yes, you're in for another week of this.
I know why the 40 Thing has me so freaked out, it's that feeling of having got to this age and yet still not having worked out how to put together the sort of Support Network where I could ring someone up and say, "I need to not be alone in the house, come get me RIGHT NOW..." {sigh} How do other people get to be friends like that, is this one of those things you have to have picked up in the part of grade school where I was just trying to understand why the Authorities seemed to want me dead?

Tags:
feeling: introspective

5 responses | moved to respond?
Comments
otrame From: otrame Date: March 19th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
The Authorities want us all dead. We tend to say things in That Voice. You know, the one Shattner used in whatever Star Trek it was {horrible, horrible movie with one perfect moment} where he said, "Excuse me. Why does God need a space ship?"

I do know how you feel. It took me a long time, but I finally got to where it didn't bother me so much. I started by deciding that Bette Midler's motto was appropriate for me: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Then I decided that I was fat, and that was just going to have to be that. That's when I stopped gaining weight. I didn't lose any, but...

I also learned to accept that I probably have some personality issues that put people off. I even have an idea of what some of them are because one of my sisters is the epitome of everything I dislike about myself. After spending some time with her once, I came back to work and asked "Why haven't you guys killed me yet?" In fact this comment is a prime example of something that annoys the hell out of people. I should just say something like "pobracita *pat pat" and then shut up but here I am in what my younger son calls lecture mode.

I do have one or two close friends. Unfortunately they do not live here. And I have absolutely NO ONE who understands this whole fangirl thing. But then, I lived with fangirlitis completely alone for most of my life. Only in the last 18 months did I find out how many others with this particular weirdness there are out there.

I think it's funny that you are freaked by 40. 36 hit me in the gut for no known reason. These days I delight in each one. Another year They Missed Me! 8-) And I have 60 coming up very soon!!!!!1111!!!

Listen, love. You are a talented person. I am in love with the way you write. Your YM&O series delights me. (oh, BTW, I have chapters 1-3 edited and 4-5 recorded on Two Can Play and I intend to go through the whole series (though that may take a while). Call it a tribute to your talent.) So if you are not the type to collect a large contingent of friends, for whatever reason, that that is the way it is. You are still a wonderful person (an unwonderful person could NOT have written the last few chapters of Voodoo Child) and if others can't see that or if you can't show that to others, then that's too bad but it doesn't change your wonderfulness.

</lecture mode
robling_t From: robling_t Date: March 22nd, 2010 07:07 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Heh, nothing wrong with Lecture Mode, at least it means someone's listening enough to rant about it... ;) I think what's freaking me out about it is the sense of it being a threshold where I've definitively fallen through the cracks of any sort of metrics the rest of the world uses to make sense of a life in progress -- those "So, what do you have to show for breathing air somebody else could have been using all this time?" sort of questions. (As if there's going to be a quiz, but.) 40's about the point where if one hasn't established oneself at something by now, it looks weirder and weirder to try, and 'artist' just turns into 'but what do you really do if I've never heard of you?'; I even toy sometimes with the idea of coming up with some fabricated backstory about starting over after a bad divorce or something, because "never moved out of Mum's 'cos I'm too ill to work at what other people would consider a Normal Job" leads to all sorts of hoops of having to justify what exactly is the matter with me and then they never believe it. (Hell, I had a fight with her yesterday when she forgot and bought perfumed soap, and she's been dealing with this for more than 15 years!) It's the part where the various issues interlock into not getting out enough because I can't get out enough that's the most wearing -- thank god for the internet or I wouldn't have anything resembling a social life...
ashnistrike From: ashnistrike Date: March 19th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Unfortunately, we are on our way out the door to New York, or you'd be welcome to hang out. But *hugs*. Remember, 40 is the new pi-cubed.
robling_t From: robling_t Date: March 22nd, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC) (permalink this entry)
Yeah, and it's probably a Very Good Thing we already have next Saturday lined up -- no idea what kind of mental state I may be in by that point, considering the only activity I have lined up for Friday itself is "pick up library holds", but...
(Deleted comment)
5 responses | moved to respond?